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Tuesday, 7 June 2011

All things bright and beautiful

I am the type of girl that keeps to myself. I don't enjoy telling anyone details about my life and my friends literally have to force information out of me. I am more of a listener than a talker. I prefer to figure things out on my own, without any help from anyone else- I don't know if that makes me prideful or not. It's not that I want outsiders to think my life is completely perfect and that I don't want anyone to know if something goes wrong in my life, or if I have failed at something. I have a hard time pretending things are A-OK, when they're not. However, this past year I feel I have gotten extremely good at sweeping my feelings under a rug, putting a huge smile on my face and walking out the door.  I guess I wanted to start blogging because putting my feelings on something tangible makes me feel better- like I have a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. It makes me feel incredibly relieved and help me realize my problems aren't as big as they seem. Maybe there is something wrong with me because I would rather "talk" to a computer, instead of  a real person...
My life is far from perfect. This past year has been the hardest year yet. My life has felt all over the place and to be honest, a complete mess.  Within a matter of months my life had been flipped around. At times I felt completely abandoned, lonely, worthless, incapable and entirely unmotivated to do anything. People who had once been a strong influence and huge part of my life have turned their backs and shoved me to the side.  Losing someone you love with your whole heart is the hardest thing anyone could ever face. Even if that person isn't physically gone, it is still just as hard, maybe even harder than if they were. It's crazy how much one person can influence your entire life and can flip it upside down with one selfish decision. As much as I want to blame this person (or 2, or 3 or 4) for the state I am in, I have realized I have gotten myself to this point, no one else. It is so easy to let someone change who you are, who you love, what you know, what you believe, what you see.... It's harder to stick to your guns and what you know and stand up for what you know is right. I have decided to take the harder path. Although I am still devastated by the selfish choices these people have made, I have learned that we all have our free agency and although they haven't chosen to use that for the better, I can. Only I, with the help of the Lord can get myself out of the quick sand. As difficult as these past few months have been, I know that I can only grow from this and it will make me a stronger and better person. This past year I have learned that
1) I can't change people. I can try and try again, but if someone doesn't feel the need or want to change, they won't.
2) I have the most incredible support from my friends. I am so grateful my Heavenly Father has blessed me with such amazing friends who believe in me and have my back 100%.
3) Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom.
4) Someone, somewhere else is dealing with a much larger load than I am.
5) Forgiveness can heal a broken heart.
6) Taking full advantage of the Atonement can bring the most amazing blessings.
7) I can't control what other people do or say, but I can control what I do and the kind of person I want to be.
8) Realizing that some battles aren't worth fighting.
9) I have no place for negative people in my life.
10) This world is a beautiful place. There is still so much good in this world and every day I can find something to be happy and grateful for.

3 comments:

kris

WOW!!! Powerful little blog my friend!!! I look forward to reading many more!! You have a way with words and your honesty is powerful and will hit home with a lot of readers! Thanks for sharing hun!
-Kristen

Mrs.N

Hope my prayers have helped. Sorry it's been such a rough year. You have an amazing attitude!
Ortensia:-)

Just Hales

Fer you seriously inspire me!:)

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