Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Perfect Disaster.

I know some things should just stay broken...
I'm well aware this should remain unspoken

I know sometimes you only twist me, and you’re too proud to say you miss me. But what if here and now, I tell you that I’ve figured you all out?
Or maybe I just like how that sounds...
There's no yellow bricks to follow back, and run from that disaster. Familiar sins, come crashing in, and sever forever and after. It's time for me to leave you you left me.
For whats for all in frozen alabaster. Believe me, There's no place like home. 
A shallow grave, where I can keep your secrets safe. No need to tell me where you've been, I feel it. Shallow graves for shallow hearts. For pick-me-ups and fall aparts.
For promises that never started right.

Love, me

Thursday, 10 November 2011

Holding out for a hero.

Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the God's?
Where's the street wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need.
I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night.
He's gotta be strong, he's gotta be fast, and he's gotta be fresh from the fight.
He's gotta be sure, he's gotta be soon, and he's gotta be larger than life.
Somewhere just beyond my reach, there's someone reaching back for me.
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat...
It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet.
I need a hero.

My life has been full of men disappointing and betraying me. To most girls, these men are supposed to be our heroes. The one’s we look up to, the one’s that would never leave us alone to pick up the pieces, be there to chase the monsters from under our bed....not be the monster. They were supposed to be the one's to hold me and tell me everything would be ok. Even though my heroes turned out not to be heroes at all, I have been blessed to have others fill their shoes...

Uncle Brent
My Uncle Brent has always been my hero. When I was younger, it was because he was the famous hockey player, and NHL coach. We got to meet all the players, hang out in the coaches rooms, get free stuff and meet all the cool celebrities. Now it is so much more than this. As I have grown and spent more time with him and his family I have realized what an amazing person and role-model he is, not only to me but everyone. A few years ago he was diagnosed with a disgusting disease called Parkinsons. Instead of feeling sorry for himself, he has learned to fight. He has done all he can to help research, raise awareness and inspire others with this disease to do all they can. For someone diagnosed with such a horrendous disease, he doesn’t let it slow him down. His disposition towards this trial in his life is valiant and inspiring to me. He is the definition of fearless, strong and faithful. He not only does what is right, he fights for what is right. I marvel at his courage and demeanor. Even though he has so much going on in his own life, he has always been there for my family. I love my Uncle Brent. 
Uncle Jeff
My Uncle Jeff is a stainless example of a worthy priesthood holder, dad, uncle and brother. He has been like a dad to me. It’s the little things he does for us that mean the most to me. Whether it’s taking us out in the jeep for driving lessons, waking up at 5am to take us skiing, setting us up on dates ( even though I was not so grateful at the time), taking us to play basketball or just fooling around with us...I appreciate it all. One of the things I admire most about him is the way he has always been there for my mum. He is the kind of brother I wish I always had. He is so busy with his own life, yet he always finds time to check in on my mum. I know that whatever happens he will always be there for me and my family. I love how much his kids admire him and how he truly is their hero. I will be forever grateful to him for all he has done and for just being the person he is.
James (Winks)
 I love this kid so much. Words can’t explain. We have known each other almost our whole lives but weren’t really friends until I was in grade 11. We are both awkward, tall, shy and sarcastic. Naturally, we had to be friends. I never laugh harder than when I am with James. He is one of the most amazing people I know, and an incredible example to me. James is spiritual, loving, considerate, devoted and thoughtful. I admire James for the great friend, brother and son he is. Although we have had our “ins and outs” he has been my friend no matter what. He is serving a two year LDS mission right now and I could not be more proud of him. I also didn’t realize how much I would miss him until he was gone. I know he is out there serving with all his heart. James has always been there for me and I am so grateful for the influence he has been in my life and the friend he has been to me. 

The brother I never had. Khurram has been my “adopted” brother since he was in grade 9 and I was in Grade 10. Even though he is clearly brown, and I am clearly whiter than white, I still call him my brother. Khurram has always been there for me, through everything. He never lets anyone get away with treating me poorly. He has always had my back. He has truly been a blessing, not only in my life, but in my sisters and my mum’s. I can talk to him about anything and everything. He is always willing to listen to me and always knows the right words to say. Even when I don’t tell him what’s going on in my life, he somehow always knows when I need a text, hug or visit. I am so grateful he came into our lives. He has been there through thick and thin. I love that we can just lay in my mum’s bed for hours watching tv or just talking, go for drives late at night, toilet paper all his friends houses, or have pillow fights. No matter how far apart we are he will always be a part of my life. 

Sometimes Prince Charming turns out to be not that charming at all. That just means we have to keep looking. We can't let one person betraying us lead us to believe that all people will. There will always be someone in life you can count on. Although my original heroes didn't live up to any sort of 
expectations, others have.
Love, me

Monday, 7 November 2011


       This post is long over-due. There is no right, or easy way to explain this. The hurt caused by this can’t be explained with words. The feeling of hurt, betrayal and resentment will never depart. Those feelings will never cease to exist. I will never lose consciousness of what you did. I will never fathom how someone can be so narcissistic and selfish. I will never forget how you tore apart everything pure and sacred. 
       You had it all, and you chose to throw it all away...and for what? Your idea of happiness? Lying, cheating and manipulation have never been known to bring happiness. You chose to leave the two things that bring the most comfort and bliss in this world. You took away the two things I always thought I would have in my life, without any regard as to how it would affect me or anyone else. All you are concerned with is yourself, your “needs” and your wants.  
       I have tried so hard to forgive all the things you have done and all the pain you’ve inflicted. It’s not easy when everyday you find another way to tear us down. We’ve all tried over and over to understand, help, forgive....I have had enough. There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough.

Love, me

Let Go, and Let God.

When we have nothing left but God, 
we discover that God is

Love, me