Late night doodles

Unsaid.

Love, me

Just a night for random thoughts...

I love Southern Alberta on summer nights. There is something so calm and peaceful about this place. I could definitely live here the rest of my life.

I leave for the MTC in exactly 57 days.

I am starting to feel very overwhelmed. 

There is so much preparation to do and I don't know where to start 

I love my momma

People always told me, boys will be coming out left right and centre once you get your mission call. I thought this was foolish. Well, now I believe it. Come on guys, where were you all a few months ago?

I get my hopes up way too high

I am glad I finally had the guts to cut bad friends out of my life.

I don't know how some girls are so confident. I need some tips.

I'm 21 and just found out what a real date should be like. All you other boys before failed. Miserably. Sorry, not sorry...

So many mixed feelings these days.

I am going to be eating sushi and rice for 18 months...here's hoping I don't get fat...oh yeah I won't because I have to ride a bike every day of my life....in a skirt. Cruel.

I have officially, and completely converted to country music. My fellow hipster friends will be so disappointed in me.

I really want to have a massive pillow fight in a field...

I have crossed quite a few things off my bucket list these past few weeks :) 

1) Shot a gun

2) Laid in the middle of the street at night in the rain

3) Caught a guitar pick at a concert

4) I have my own star...how amazing is that?

5) Caught a firefly

6) Danced under stars and in the rain

7) Found out how many licks it takes to get to the centre of a tootsie pop- 367 in case any of you were wondering.

8) Taught myself how to play a song on the guitar

Now if only I could get a few more crossed off before I leave.

I have never been skinny dipping. Sad statement of my life. Need to go

I really want to get into a taxi and yell at the driver "follow that car!" I'm a dork

I would also really love to let go of paper lanterns...someone tell me where I can purchase one..or five.

I love this hot weather we are having. But I feel like dying if I am wearing anything other than a bikini.

I am soooo excited to go to the stampedeeeee this week! yeee-haaaawww.

I love boys in pick up trucks. Even If the boy isn't the most attractive, having a truck boosts your rating by at least 4 points.

I am finding so many bruises all over my body and have no idea where they came from...

It's cute in the movies when people show up at your window...but I just found out it's not so cute in real life...just plain scary....and creepy.

Goodnightttttttttt 

Love, me

Sister Missionary :)

Apologizing in advance...this post isn't organized at all and is a jumble of thoughts. 

      Sapporo Japan...crazy. I can't believe I will be serving an 18 month mission in Sapporo Japan.

I never in a million years thought I would be called to Japan. I lived in Japan for 3 years as a child and have always wanted to go back. I never thought it would be while serving the Lord. 

When I first opened my call , I was ecstatic. I was honestly just so thrilled that it wasn't Winnipeg. I wanted to go foreign so badly. It took a few minutes to sink in. This is the same exact mission my "father" served in many years ago. My "father" who spent two years of his life preaching the gospel to japanese people and has now decided he no longer believes in something he once felt so strongly about. 

Maybe he never did. Maybe he went because he felt obligated. I don't know what kind of missionary he was... Maybe I am being sent there to do the work he didn't do....I don't know. While talking about this with my mother she said "The Lord has a funny sense of humour". It's true. When I first thought about it I couldn't understand why I would be called to the same mission as him. After thinking about it, I realized it's not his mission. It's my mission.
      There are so many reasons why the Lord has chosen this exact place for me. I now have a testimony that mission calls really do come from up above and the Lord really does know our needs and our hearts. He knows that Sapporo is where I am supposed to spend the next 18 months of my life, and I now know that too. Over the past few weeks I have realized so many reasons why I am going to Sapporo. When I was 16 and was still modelling, I was placed with an agency in Tokyo, Japan. I was scheduled to spend an entire summer there modelling. Weeks before my scheduled departure I was told by the agency that if I didn't comply to their requests and take jobs that I wasn't comfortable doing (posing nude etc) that they no longer wanted me to come. I made the decision to not go and to quit all together. I was devastated as I was so excited to go back to Japan where I had spent my childhood years. However, I knew that Lord would bless me one day for the decision I had made to not lower my standards and to stand tall, and he has. 

      This past sunday I had the opportunity to go to a mission farewell of a really good family friend. His father is the bishop and was sitting up on the stand right in my line of sight. When his son began to speak , he began to get choked up and cried throughout the entire thing. That is when I burst into tears because in that moment I realized I won't have that experience at my farewell. I don't have a father that cares about me or is proud of the decision I have made to give up 18 months of my life to serve the Lord. He won't be there at my farewell to look up at me with pride and cry tears of joy, or hold my hand after, or tell me he loves me....I didn't receive any sort of contact after I opened my call, still haven't...and most likely won't receive a goodbye either. 

      Although I would love to have a father there for a support I have so many other people that love, support and are proud of me. I am so thankful for all the many people who have helped me get to where I am today and have been such an example and blessing in my life.

I am oh so nervous for what is coming my way in 8 weeks. I know that the Lord will bless me in more ways than I can count if I do this and serve him with my whole heart. I am hoping and praying that I can be a good servant of the Lord and be a useful missionary. I am so excited to give my life to the Lord for these next few months and do his work. I can't think of anything I would rather do.

Wanted.

     You know I'd fall apart without you

I don't know how you do what you do

Because everything that don't make sense about me

makes sense when I'm with you.

I wanna wrap you up, wanna kiss your lips

I wanna make you feel wanted and I wanna call you mine.

Wanna hold your hand forever

Never let you forget it

I wanna make you feel wanted.

As good as you make me feel, I wanna make you feel better

better than your fairytales

better than your best dreams