Dear 16 year old me,

16 year old me: I can't wait to get married! I want to get married right when I turn 18 and live happily ever after!

20 year old me: Wow, I would rather become a cat lady than get married. Boys are immature, retarded and a complete waste of my time.

16 year old me: Omg, my BFF and I are in a fight :(

20 year old me: Wow, I think I only have three friends.

16 year old me: I can't come out tonight! My mum won't let me, I'm grounded, I have to finish my homework...

20 year old me: Uhh, I think I'd rather stay home in my pajamas and watch Teen Mom.

16 year old me: Ugh, I wish I was hotter, skinnier, smaller, bigger chested, less awkward...maybe then the boys will notice me

20 year old me: I'm pretty dope, why does no one else realize this?

16 year old me: I hate my parents

20 year old me: I love my rents. What would I do without them!?

16 year old me: Boy: I love you. Me: Awe, I love you too :)

20 year old me: Boy: I love you. Me : Option A- Thank you?..../ Option B-....../ Option C- Holy hell, where is the door...

16 year old me: Wicked! $50.00 from doing chores! Look out West ed, here I come!

20 year old me: Hmm...I guess I'm not eating this month...

16 year old me: Please don't break up with me...I love you :(

20 year old me: Oh thank goodness! You were getting so clingy...

16 year old me: Mmmm, I can eat whatever I want, as much of it as I want and it won't go anywhere noticeable.

20 year old me: Woah, where did that 20 extra pounds on my butt come from...

Love, me. 

I am Neurotic

I've been reading this book titled "I am Neurotic". It's a collection of entries from people that have neurotic tendencies. The first few pages I read, I was thinking- these people are ridiculous...the more I read, the more I realized how many of these things I actually do.
Reasons I am Neurotic
1) I cannot touch rough wood, chalk or chalk boards
2) I cannot read a book, or write on paper without putting cream on my hands first because I cannot stand the feel of it.
3) I cannot stand the sound or feeling of someone filing their nails, or mine. I refuse to file my nails- I will only cut them.
4) I cannot be around people that are chewing. I can't stand the sound of food moving around in their mouth and I want to gag when people chew with their mouth open. I especially hate the sound bananas, macaroni and cereal make.
5) I can't sleep without socks on because I hate the feeling of dry feet and especially when they rub against something.
6) Every time I go into a rest room at my own home, or someone else's, I must punch the shower curtain first to make sure no one is hiding in there.
7) I can’t stand breathing noises. When someone breathes and I can hear audible whistling through their nose or mouth, I get extremely aggravated.
8) I absolutley cannot fall asleep if the door to my bedroom is open
9) I can't wash my hands if there is no cream near by because the soap makes my hands feel dry and then I feel like I can't touch anything without cringing.
10) I can't sleep without clothes on because I am afraid if I get pranked in the middle of the night, or if there is a fire I will have to run outside naked and I hate being naked. 

All things bright and beautiful

I am the type of girl that keeps to myself. I don't enjoy telling anyone details about my life and my friends literally have to force information out of me. I am more of a listener than a talker. I prefer to figure things out on my own, without any help from anyone else- I don't know if that makes me prideful or not. It's not that I want outsiders to think my life is completely perfect and that I don't want anyone to know if something goes wrong in my life, or if I have failed at something. I have a hard time pretending things are A-OK, when they're not. However, this past year I feel I have gotten extremely good at sweeping my feelings under a rug, putting a huge smile on my face and walking out the door.  I guess I wanted to start blogging because putting my feelings on something tangible makes me feel better- like I have a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. It makes me feel incredibly relieved and help me realize my problems aren't as big as they seem. Maybe there is something wrong with me because I would rather "talk" to a computer, instead of  a real person...
My life is far from perfect. This past year has been the hardest year yet. My life has felt all over the place and to be honest, a complete mess.  Within a matter of months my life had been flipped around. At times I felt completely abandoned, lonely, worthless, incapable and entirely unmotivated to do anything. People who had once been a strong influence and huge part of my life have turned their backs and shoved me to the side.  Losing someone you love with your whole heart is the hardest thing anyone could ever face. Even if that person isn't physically gone, it is still just as hard, maybe even harder than if they were. It's crazy how much one person can influence your entire life and can flip it upside down with one selfish decision. As much as I want to blame this person (or 2, or 3 or 4) for the state I am in, I have realized I have gotten myself to this point, no one else. It is so easy to let someone change who you are, who you love, what you know, what you believe, what you see.... It's harder to stick to your guns and what you know and stand up for what you know is right. I have decided to take the harder path. Although I am still devastated by the selfish choices these people have made, I have learned that we all have our free agency and although they haven't chosen to use that for the better, I can. Only I, with the help of the Lord can get myself out of the quick sand. As difficult as these past few months have been, I know that I can only grow from this and it will make me a stronger and better person. This past year I have learned that
1) I can't change people. I can try and try again, but if someone doesn't feel the need or want to change, they won't.
2) I have the most incredible support from my friends. I am so grateful my Heavenly Father has blessed me with such amazing friends who believe in me and have my back 100%.
3) Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom.
4) Someone, somewhere else is dealing with a much larger load than I am.
5) Forgiveness can heal a broken heart.
6) Taking full advantage of the Atonement can bring the most amazing blessings.
7) I can't control what other people do or say, but I can control what I do and the kind of person I want to be.
8) Realizing that some battles aren't worth fighting.
9) I have no place for negative people in my life.
10) This world is a beautiful place. There is still so much good in this world and every day I can find something to be happy and grateful for.